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| You know in those war movies when there a soldier is pinned down in the midst of a trench near enemy base, and it seems like there is nothing you can do to save them or get to them to help them out. Its kinda like my situation right now except its a lil bit altered. I know i didnt do anything bad, so why am i getting this shit from you!, why do i feel i always gotta be left in the trenches. Something tells me im just a big ass rebound, something tells me you're not ready to move on. You leave me in there with ONE bullet. I can either use that on myself, or use it on an enemy that tries to jump into the trench you left me in. You ran away again. You know what lemme tell you readers a lil story of when i was younger, i used to run away from my shit, in hopes that time would let it go away. Yes time did let it go away, But its like sweeping dirt under the rug. Its still there just not visible, which means ONE DAY, all that dust is gonna come around back on you. This childishness is almost filled me up. You do the same things to me, what you've been doin to your x-men. What am i chopped liver?!, a flat tire?, a fake gun a robber tries to use to hold up a convenience store?, a shoe with no laces?, an ass that can talk?, a hair in the nose?, a stick thrown infront of someone rollerblading so they can trip over it and falldown and break their nose disabling them from rollerblading any further??...NOPE! not this niggah here! Im gonna stand my ground this time yo! But eyy before i get any further, this alllllllll general baby, there arent any spcifics in here to give anything away on what the fukk im talkin bout. For all you guys know im just randomly rambling bout some bullshit. Xanga is for people to read other peoples blogs, not bullshit and shit talk about other people. So if you're reading this, good for you, if not, i dont care, this my blog and i say whatever the hell i want YYYYYYYYYYYYi! So back to my ranting, at this point man, im not so sure i wanna get out of this trench, i kinda like it here. And this one bullet you left me, im gonna save it till i really need to use it. So if you wanna play your lil kiddy witty games on me go ahead, Im just gonna watch on the sidelines.....And pray that this really is...a very very bad dream...... the end? | | |
| Wow its been a while since i been up on this huh. Welp EH-Lot has happened since. I have been busy wit some things here and there. I just feel the need to blog i guess because theres just too damn much in my head right now i gotta let it leak somehow just to release pressure before my head blows up. I believe life is like a roller coaster. It goes up and down....sometimes going down can be longer than going up or vise versa. Or theres that part where your life loops and just changes directions. And sometimes it would go steady and straight for a little bit. Yes i do believe life is like a roller coaster, some people are scared to ride LIFE the way it should be, because of what they might go through so they find easier "kiddy" rides to supplement. Some give up in between and just jump off because they cant take it anymore. And some go through it till the end. My roller coasters been quite a trip so far. When it goes down....it goes DOWN HARD!. I always seem to find a way going back up tho. With the help of critical thinking and my faith and prayer in God. I would say its the only juice i have to get back up God. When things go bad, i pray hard to him to make things better. It may seem like i am using him, but Its the source of my strength. God gives you downs to test you to see if you can go back up, if you're gonna call out on his name for help. No doubt he's there no matter what. So God i pray, help me now more than ever to get back up this very deep drop i'm going through right now. You've given me many many MANY hard obstacles to out go, but this one seems to be the pinnacle of them all, because it may change my life for good so what ever the outcome of this, is your will... | | |
| This is a story that changed my life forever =)....it goes a lil somethin like this Once upon a time i was doing some regular online checkups on friendster stuff and facebook shizznications. And on facebook an individual named Jade Santos has sent me a friend request. So i went to her page expecting nothing really because i thought it might have been just a a random add. So i looked throught her profile it was good stuff!I saw her pic too and i was like waaw she's beautiful! Already i thought out of my league. I've always had a thing for holding something back when i meet a girl i'm interested in, the reason for this is so, if it works, she'll wanna find out more about it or find out what those missing parts of me are later on. lemme just tell you that method is wack too, it'll backfire, SO! i said why not just be totally myself, so i messaged her and to my surprise she messaged back. This is where the story truly starts, i never thought i could meet anyone like Jade before. I ALWAYS JOKE AROUND, GOOF AROUND! i love bein like that because it brings positivity and good nature to my surroundings. Infront of girls of course i HAVE to tone down, dont wanna scare them away or wierd them out. I've always thought is there gonna be a girl that'll meet my preferences AND still accept this part of me HAHA! Oddly enought even after 3 weeks of knowing her it felt i knew her for a long long time! We would always be on the same page and understand each other. Its like daaang yoo! all those times i've faced my problems alone, nobody to talk or run to, except for my boxing gloves or weights. I mean i've been fine with that but it wasnt enough! Now i have someone i can run to, talk to, kick it with. You know its like finding that light in darkness, finding that needle in the haystack! Feels good to finaly have that chance to be able show who i am and what i can do in a relationship. To be able to put action all the knowledge i've learned till now on someone special. yeah yeah yeah as sappy and mushy as all this sounds i dont care! HAHA! Its funny cuz al these years i've been searching and searching and searching! And i found the person who said "you'll find one once you stop looking, or she'll come out of nowhere" , really stupid because when you stop looking how the hell will you find her!!!!! i never understood that part! HAHAHA! well now i understand, i was looking at the wrong places, we found each other. I thank God i've found someone! till now i still can't believe it, i found the forth leaf in the clover! Still too early in our relationship, but someone told me you'll never know who somebody really is unless you've been there when they are angry, they cry, they get jealous, they are happy in laughter, and get past problems together. I wanna be there for all of that. If ever we fight or argue through prayer we'll fix it together and move on stronger. In general when people give me gifts i take good care of it and charish it for their thoughtfulness. In this case, God has given me a gift, Jade Santos =) , And i promise you God im gonna take really good care of this gift you've given to me. Thank you for answering my prayers. | | |
| Hearing the truth sometimes could be a good, but when its bad people tend to fabricate, sugar coat, even lie about it just so it sounds reasonable and tolerable enough for the other person's ear to hear. For the longest time i thought to myself what IF people just stop "sugar coating" or lying about the truth. If everyone said the truth i always wonder how fucked up this world is going to be haha. Because with truth comes understanding, so if everyone told the truth and is understanding, would be like cheeze pizza, satisfying yet boring. Personaly i find truth gratifying than onward useless banttering. I would always try and find out more or try and understand more as to why things are the way they are. Sometimes i just want to give up and say "why the hell for?!" why can't things be simple for me. Well i guess this is MY truth, in all situations i've come across nothing was just black and white. There is ALWAYS more shades of grey. Things will never be simple for me unfortunately. A twist or challenge will always be on the way for me achieve what i have to do, or what might happen. Dealing with this sometimes sucks i must admit. Succumbing to it is for weaklings. I've never backed out of challenges brought to me, but sometimes i never fully face it or finish it. But i've NEVER succumbed to it. I just kinda.....put it on hold i guess. Maybe thats why these things always come at me, for me to realize and learn. Very recently i thought God has Blessed me with a beautiful gift, One i did not expect. I thought my curse was broken, but things started to get complicated again as usual, This blessing turned into another challenge i'm afraid. But this time i'm not putting it on hold, or leave it the way it is, I'll get past it. Whatever the outcome tragic or triumph, at least i can say for once in my life i've faced the truth =) | | |
| Man i havent written up in here fowwwevaahhhhhhh!!! what can i say i've been a little busy past few weeks. Okay since i dot have a thought to blog about i guess i'll talk a il bit bout whats been happenin in and around me. SO first off i would like to congratulate myself...yes yes i know...thank you =) HAHAHA....umm anyways i was able to get my hands on that damn Nintendo Wii. Yeeep ONe week of agonizing calling and shit, Wakin up REALLY early to hang outside a walmart or bestbuy to see if they're getting the Wiis only to find out they dont have any. Finaly on the friday of that week i got myself up at 5:30 and lined up at best buy. The 3 hour wait in the cold was worth it. Met some people on the line that suffered the same wrath as i did the whole week. But its all over now my friends our sufferings atone at the cost of $320 hahaha. So that was my adventure whats your nintendo Wii, Playstation 3 adventure. Post em up on the comments yo! peace! | | |
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